I really can’t sleep” she sighed.

We sat in silence for a while. Early winter flakes floated gently down from the sky. This was the perfect time to ask her…

“You want to go for a walk?” I blurted.

            “Now?”

Curiosity sparkled in her eyes.

“That’s what I do when I can’t sleep” I said, trying to make up an excuse to talk to her.

            “Sure” she shrugged, smiling.

I got up and Kaya followed. We walked in silence for a while, making just barely visible prints in the snow. Kaya opened her mouth and caught snowflakes on her tongue. I smiled and watched her.

“So, I was thinking about being alpha and everything” I started.

Kaya turned to me, ears perked forward. Getting what I was starting to ask.

“Well, I needed an alpha female”

            “Well aren’t I already alpha female?” she said shyly kicking some of the dusty snow.

“Yeah, so I was thinking, um,”

                        “Well look who it is!” a cruel voice interrupted.

The familiar voice sent chills down my spine and made my fur bristle.

“What do you want?” I growled.

                        “Oh nothing…” Boss sneered as he strutted up. He had white stuff on half of his chest and on his paws.

Kaya started to growl and started to move in front of me.

                        “Aw, that’s cute… are you guys mates now?!” he taunted.

Kaya looked back at me but didn’t say anything. I glanced at her, but focused on Boss. This wasn’t the way I wanted to remember proposing…

“No”

The word fell like a rock. Kaya turned back to Boss and showed her teeth, snarling. Boss started to circle and my heart started to pound. Was this the fight I was dreading but expecting?

“Did you come to fight?!”

                        “Nope, just to say goodbye” he said blankly.

“I’m not going anywhere” I muttered, keeping my eyes on him. “And you’re not going to fight me…”

Boss wasn’t getting the reaction he wanted from me. And he was going to get it one way or another. He lunged for Kaya but her weight and size were no match for his. He rolled her onto her side and pinned her head to the ground with a single paw while she struggled and snarled. I was to afraid to move.

 “I’m scared now! What do you want!” I said desperately, eyeing Kaya.

                        “What I was saying was… the humans are your problem now” he grinned.

“You can’t control them”

                        “You can if you do something to them and make it look like you’re someone else” he said, looking down at his chest and paws.

What had he done?! He really would put himself in danger to bring me down?! My temper flared, but that was just what he wanted to see. And I wasn’t about to let him have the satisfaction.

“Let Kaya go now” I said calmly, taking a deep breath.

Boss scowled but let Kaya get up after swatting her hard with his paw so that she fell towards me.

 “I’ll be back soon to see if you’re still alive” he snarled over his shoulder.

Kaya fell into me and scrambled to her feet. He ruined everything… Kaya must have known he did too. It was obvious she was in a bad mood now. Without a single word, she skulked back in the direction of the den.

I watched her leave. None of this was supposed to happen. We were all supposed to be happy. When she was out of hearing range, I snarled and kicked a pile of dirt and snow. Anger wasn’t going to fix anything. I just hoped that something would…

By the time I had gotten back, Kaya had woken up the pack. They were thrilled to see that I was okay, but I had gotten used to it.

“We have to leave tomorrow”

Bristol said something, but the rest of the pack talked at once, covering it up.

“We leave tomorrow morning. There are hunters and….other things around here. It’s too dangerous”

The pack accepted it but still chattered. But as it got later, the sound died and the pack fell asleep, one by one. Kaya went away to get a drink and I watched her forlornly, thinking about what would have happened. My ears drooped.

            “You like her, don’t you?” Bristol said, watching me.

I rested my head on my paws and sighed. Bristol was smart enough to “read” wolves’ body language but it didn’t take a genius to figure out what I was feeling...

“Yeah… I was so close… I wanted to ask her… but… other things got in the way”

            “There’s always tomorrow” he said, trying to get me to smile.

I closed my eyes; tomorrow wouldn’t be a good day either…

 

The next morning, as the snow stopped and left a white dust on the ground, we started the three day long trip to the west coast. My sour mood spread and soon the whole pack seemed frustrated, angry or sad. Kaya was in just as bad of a mood and it was too awkward to talk to her. She led the way while I trailed behind. Bear walked beside me, ears tucked back. Although I didn’t want to admit it, I had a very short temper. At the slightest mistake, even from Nuka or Boulder, I growled and snapped them back into place. We didn’t even hunt even though I knew the pack was hungry but too scared to complain about it. On the last day, we crossed through several enemy territories without a single fight, which was very unusual during a war, but it was nothing to complain about. We found our usual spot on the outskirts of the woods and settled there.

“Leader?”

Bristol approached me, ears back and tail and head low.

            “The pack’s really hungry… can I take them hunting?”

I nodded and sighed.

“I need time to clear my head anyway” I admitted.

Not wasting any time, Bristol left with most of the pack right behind. I felt a little bad about the way I’d acted, but alone time was just what I needed. I set off towards the city and walked along the frozen beach. The ice filled water lapped on the sand as I passed the shipwreck and my heart sank. Last year, I had found my brother here and this was also the last place Ataneq was leader. The year before that was the first and last year my parents were leaders. Sinking into my own thoughts, tiny voices snapped my mind to attention. I looked around, spied an overturned rowboat and dived under it.

I glanced out from under the rowboat and saw a few young hybrids, a red one and grey one, fooling around. The parents came into view… and the father was Balto! My heart ached. I hoped I had a family one day. Maybe it was time to pay Balto another visit.

 

The sun was starting to set when I climbed up into the shipwreck and waited in a little room that had a Balto- smelling blanket. I waited and waited, and finally, I heard footsteps and a silhouette appeared in the doorway. Balto gasped and backed up, and I walked out so he could see me. Recognition filled his brown eyes.

“Hey” I almost whispered. “I know you don’t want to see me…”

Balto took me in, but managed to stutter, “No, actually, I was hoping you’d come back”

I managed a smile. Balto wagged his tail a little and smiled apologetically.

            “I saw Mom” he started.

“Me too” I replied, trying to smile.

            “Sorry about last time…” Balto said shyly, averting his eyes and laying back his ears. “I was… kind of in denial”

I nodded.

            “So… did your mate have your puppies yet?” he asked, eyes laughing.

I couldn’t help but to smile at that one.

“Yeah, I wish”

My smile melted and I sank down to the floor. I sighed and put my head on my paws again. I didn’t want to bring back problems the first time we talked, but there was no way to cover it up.

            “I’ve only known you for five minutes, but what’s wrong?”

“Kaya. My ‘mate’. I was really going to ask her to be my mate… I was going to tell her… that I liked her, but… it got all messed up”

            “Then go tell her now”

“It’s not that simple…”

            “Sure

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