Night at the Museum

Starring Josh Westfall and Steve Westfall (commonly known as muk&luk) as themselves, Balto as himself, etc.

Based on the movie 'Night at the Museum', obviously.

Note: I took some liberties when describing the exhibits (example: the stagecoach, the Roman diorama, etc.). Besides, this story takes place four years from now, so who's to say they won't have this stuff in the future?

December, 2011

Josh Westfall was quite depressed. He had been trying to get a job for nearly five months, and still no luck. Of course, that can only be expected when you're nineteen and haven't gone to college or a vocational school.

“I should've become a writer,” he thought. “I mean, me and my brother wrote all those stories on that Balto site, and people seemed to like them okay. Yup. I should've been a writer.”

Finally, he gave up. “No hope for getting a job whatsoever, it seems. Guess I'll be living with Mom and Dad for the rest of my life.”

The next day, he happened to go to the Cleveland Museum of Natural History. Granted, it's a four-hour drive from Athens, but he survived. Before going in, he bought a newspaper and started reading that.

“Classified Ads. What the heck, I might as well look in there. Hey! The Museum is hiring! Cool! Maybe I can get a job there!”

He ran inside and applied. Fortunately, it was a slow day, so he was taken in immediately for an interview. Unfortunately, however, he didn't have a resume'. (Josh is an idiot, in case you couldn't tell.)

“So, you have no resume',” said the lady who was interviewing him “no job experience, no references, and only High School education. I don't think we'll be able to accept you. Sorry.”

“Look lady, I have been trying to find a job for almost six months. I've been working my butt off. I've even begun sending out applications to other states. I even sent one to New Jersey! That's how desperate I am. So please, give me something. Anything.”

“Well... we do have two positions open. I'm not sure if they're as glamorous as you might like. Both during the night shift. Janitor and Security Guard. You can take your pick.”

“ You know, my brother's also looking for a job. I'll talk it over with him and then we can decide which ones we want.”

His brother Steven naturally wanted the easy job.

“Whaaaaa!I wanna be the guard! Whaaaaa!”

'Sheesh,' thought Josh. 'He's twenty-one. What a baby.'

And so, Josh being the wonderful, humble, sacrificing, humble, friendly, humble, helpful, humble, sweet, humble, kind, humble, loving, humble, submissive, and humble, he let his whiny brother take the easy job (can you tell who's writing this?). First off, before their first day, they had to go see the the men whose jobs they were taking. There was three security guards, and two janitors.

“Hello there,” an old man said to Steven “I'm Ron Slover, the chief night guard. These are my assistants, Gus Cherman and Martin Chicki. In a nutshell, the museum is losing money, hand over fist, so they plan to replace us three with one person, namely you.”

“Wow. They're firing you? That must be tough.”

“Yep. After thirty years here, they're just tossing us out like a bag of moldy tangerines. Oh well, what can you do about it?”

Gus stepped forward and said “He looks like a weirdy!”

Meanwhile, Josh was talking with the two janitors, Bob Leecher and Dick Basler. Bob had a bad habit of smiling and being friendly, no matter what was happening. If he were being tortured by Nazis we would just smile and wish them a nice day. Whereas Dick Basler shouted all the time. Not because he was particularly mad about anything, he just shouted.

“...and when you clean this area just use a little Pine Sol,” Bob was saying “because this is quite delicate actually, and...”

“LET'S MOVE ON BOB. WE'RE BURNIN' DAYLIGHT.”

“Okay, just a minute.” Bob said. Dick rolled his eyes. He knew that when Bob said that, he meant four hours.

“LET'S MOVE ON BOB! BURNIN' DAYLIGHT!”

“Okay. Oh, Josh another thing...”

They got an apartment nearby, and the next day, they went to their first day at work. Steven with his flashlight and keys, and poor, humble Josh with his mop. When they arrived, Ron Slover, Gus Cherman, and Dick Basler were waiting for them.

“We thought we'd just give you a quick little tour of the place before we left.”

“WELL, LET'S GET ON IT. BURNIN' DAYLIGHT.”

They just quickly went through the exhibit, pointing out things like the twelve-foot tall human body in the lobby (the skin on it was clear so you could see the bone, muscle, and organs inside), Sue, the largest complete T-Rex skeleton ever found, along with the tiny Nanotyrannus beside it. Then, as they walked out of the exhibit, Steven noticed that Balto in the display case was right beside them. He instantly made them stop.

“Balto! It's Balto!” he fell on his knees and started sobbing. “Oh, it's Balto! Can I take him home with me? Please? Please please please please? Oh Balto!Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Balto! Ba...” He stopped when Dick Basler swatted him on the back of the head.

“LET'S GO! BURNIN DAYLIGHT!”

Soon, they finished the tour. Ron, Gus, and Dick were about to leave when Ron paused for a moment.

“I almost forgot. Here's an instruction manual. Do 'em all, and do 'em quick.”

Gus stepped up. “Here's how you do 'em. First you do number one, then two, and three, then...”

“Four?” Steven asked.

“You cracking wise? I oughta put your head through a steel beam, snack shack!”

Ron and Dick got him out very quickly, leaving Steven and Josh there alone. The moment they were out of the parking lot, Steven bounded toward Balto. Josh sighed and walked away to start cleaning. First off, he put some of his stuff down behind the reception desk. He lingered for a moment, looking at all the stuff there. Then he saw the microphone that would broadcast your voice throughout the building. He picked it and cleared his throat.

Steven was heading toward Balto, when suddenly a horrible voice came out of nowhere. It was Josh singing.

“FEEEELINNNGS! WOWOWOWO!”

“Horrible,” thought Steven.

“FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGSS!WOWOWO!”

When he was finally done (after regaling Steven with his renditions of 'Feelings' 'Bohemian Rhapsody' 'The Cradle Will Rock' and 'Stairway to Heaven) he got to work cleaning.

Half an hour later, Josh got around to Balto. He was about to just dust the top off and move on, until he noticed lip prints all over the display case.

“Steven, get over here!”

“What?”

“Youdid this! So now you're going to help me clean this!”

Steven just pulled out two drumsticks and beat on Josh's head with them. Then he ran off and started beating his drumsticks on various items throughout the museum, making drum sounds with his mouth. Josh sighed again and began cleaning lip prints himself. He glanced over toward Sue's exhibit, mentally deciding what to clean first in there. But he noticed something odd. Sue was gone. So was the Nanotyrannus. He walked in and looked around.

“What happened? Did someone come in here and steal it? I wouldn't be surprised, having that looney drummer as a security guard.”

He turned around to get Steven, but then he noticed something else odd. Balto was gone!

'Okay, that does it. That moron has gone too far!'

He marched off angrily looking for Steven. Then he heard a scream. He ran as fast as he could in the direction of the scream. He wound up in the lobby, and looked up. The twelve-foot tall transparent human was holding his brother at eye level!

“I said,” said the twelve-foot tall transparent human “to stop drumming on my foot!”

“Uh.okay.” said Steven, bewildered.

“Put him down!” said a voice.

Josh, Steven, and the twelve-foot tall transparent human, all turned to see who had spoken. None other than Balto himself!

“Whoa,” said Josh “Not only is he alive, he's talking!”

“What's going on?” Steven asked, a moment before he was dropped twelve feet to the floor. Then, things from all over the museum started walking around.

Josh grabbed Steven and ran up the stairs to the second floor.

“What should we do?” Steve asked.

“Look in the instruction manual!”

“What?”

“The bloody instruction manual! Ron said to do them all! Where the heck is it?”

“I... uh, left it behind the reception desk.”

Josh looked over the rail at the desk. There was a hawk and a lion tearing it apart.

“Crap!” said Steven “Josh, you try to distract them. I'll grab the instruction manual!”

Josh grabbed Steven's cell phone and made it start playing 'My Heart Will Go On' by Celine Dion. It had immediate effect. The lion and hawk started rolling on the ground in unimaginable agony. Steven ran behind the counter and got the manual.

“Okay, here's instruction number one! Huh. it says 'Throw the bone.' What the heck is this talking about? What bone? Ahhhhh!” The last remark was due to the sight of Sue charging right toward them. Steven and Josh ran like Keith Richards would run from a 'Say No to Drugs' parade. They ducked behind the reception desk. Sue began tearing it apart.

“What do we do?” Josh screamed.

Then a rib bone from Sue landed on their heads.

“Hey... maybe we throw that bone!”

Steven picked it up and hurled it away from them. Sue

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