Green Day Runs With the Wolves: Chapter 3

JLost in MexicoJ

     “Chermo… I think I lost their scent,” Bargane whispered to Chermo.

“Great! Just great!” Chermo screamed, “First you let some jerks destroy my pink Trolley/Moped… then you destroy my Toy Story bowl! Now this!” he paced back and forth. They had been tracking down the culprits for days now, and they had managed to stay on their track until now, in Mexico City.

   “Just what do you want me to do about it?” Bargane snapped at his fourteen second older brother.

      “You could start with finding the murderers of my trolley/moped!” Chermo had run out of patience with his brother and just wanted a rest.  “Let’s go into that restaurant there,” he pointed a paw towards an eatery called ‘The Eatery of Secret Messages and Such’.

    “Fine,” Bargane mumbled angrily.

   They slowly made their way to the, unfortunately, crowded eatery. As they walked by a group of mariachi singers, they stopped mid-sentence and started screaming, throwing their accordions and such at them. Chermo grabbed Bargane by the paw and dragged him into a hole by the restaurant wall. They traveled through the dark tunnel, and thought it would never end.

“Look!” Bargane piped as they came to a door lit up slightly and playing music. Chermo stepped in front of the door and it slowly opened. When they entered, it was a small room, playing crappy elevator music. He pressed one of the trillions of buttons on the wall that said ‘84’. They waited patiently until the back wall of the elevator exploded, revealing a lost and forgotten… note!

   “Hmmm…look! It’s a note with words on it!” Bargane marveled. He attempted to peel the note off the wall where it was taped, but Chermo held his paw back.

          “No, dummy. You always break things with chainsaws or jackhammers. You’d better let me do this one.” Chermo carefully unstuck the note from the elevator wall. He was about to look at it, as he heard a soft sniffle from behind him. Bargane was in a small corner of the elevator, crying.

 “Uh oh Bargane. Looks like we need a pep talk, don’t we?” Chermo prepared for the regular routine. “Why are you crying so, Bargane?”

 “You *sniffle* said I was…a d-d-dummy,” Bargane sobbed,

  “No, idiot-face. That was a compliment…stupid.” Chermo explained to his brother. “I was really saying that you are smart and totally not a dummy. It’s called reverse psychology.”

          At that time, Bargane decided it was as good a time as any for a dance party. He stood up from his corner and began mocking the movements of a robot. “I call this one the fairy!” He shouted triumphantly.  They left.

   As they walked stealthily along the back wall of the restaurant (that’s where the elevator led them after another wall exploded) and almost no one saw them. Almost. While walking, Bargane tripped on a nail that was sticking inconveniently out of the floor.

He plopped to the ground, and every human face within a twenty-foot radius turned their heads towards the wolves. Everything went silent… time seemed to slow down… Chermo could feel his heart racing… their eyes scattered from person to person… then it happened. Bargane farted.

 Chermo was unfortunate enough to be standing directly behind his gassy relative. The blast from his fart blew the unsuspecting wolf across the restaurant. It seemed as though Chermo had been flying for hours, when it was only about 30 milliseconds. While in the air, he decided it would be in everyone’s best interest if he did some tricks. So, he grabbed his knees and did four ollie-back-side kickflips before he landed in the pudding bar.

He was covered, from head to hamstring, in pudding! A chunk that seemed to be simultaneously flying through the air and his eye landed right under the chunk of pudding. He screeched in agony and knew there was only one thing to do when it came to this… the Eye Scraper.

He unzipped the back pocket that was put into his skin and pulled out a small piece of wood with a fork stapled on one end, and a banana on the other. (Why the banana, I don’t know) Chermo slowly raised the scraper till it was even with his eye, the fork side facing him, and he gently set it on his eyeball. Moving it back and forth until the pudding was out.

          Once again, the world seemed to be moving at average speed. Every person in the room started for the door. All that could be heard was the panicked shuffle of the Mexicans. It was amazing that every single person in the restaurant reached the door at the same exact time. Each one was trying to get ahead of the other, but by doing so they just got crammed together even more. Within a minute, Chermo and Bargane were the only ones left standing in the eatery. Everyone else was stranded in the door.

          Bargane picked himself up and trotted over to Chermo, grabbing his wrist he flung him out of the pudding bar. Chermo pulled his wrist out of Bargane’s grasp and started stomping towards the door. Realizing it was crammed full of idiots, he quickly turned and stomped towards the back door. Why the people didn’t use that door, remained a mystery. In one swift movement he flung the swingy-door open and hopped down over the conspicuously placed rock. Bargane chased after him, smelling the remains of his massacre, and almost passed out.

          While Bargane was standing there, attempting to pass out, Chermo recalled the note they had found. He reached into his skin pocket and pulled out the damaged piece of parchment. He scanned the note. It was quite noticeably covered in pudding and there was no way to decipher the tiny scribbling.

“Bargane, we’re going to need to see a professional.”

          “Wrestler?” Bargane inquired.

          “Yes, a professional wrestler,” Chermo sighed as they set off towards the only professional wrestler they new:

The Atomic Beer Gut.