Poseidon Adventure

Balto, Jenna, Boris, Stella, Muk, Luk, Steele, etc. are property of Amblin Entertainment and Universal Studios.

The Poseidon Adventure is property of some movie corporation, but I'm too lazy to find out who.

December 30th, 2006, on Saturday.

It was time for boarding call. Balto Mandrell picked up his bags and walked toward the ramp that led onto the ship. He glanced at the name, written in brilliant gold, 'Poseidon'. He felt excited. This was going to be his first time on a passenger ship. The ship was going from Florida to England. And he really wanted to get to England.

Jenna Tichenor got on board and began looking for her room. As soon as she found it, she threw her bags on her bed and began unpacking. She was thrilled. She was on the highest deck passengers were allowed on. She was amazed by how luxurious her room was. After she finished unpacking, she moved her bags off the bed and laid down. It was the softest mattress she had ever felt. The blanket was even better, and the pillow was absolutely heavenly. After lounging around for a few minutes, she got up and began exploring the ship.

Balto entered the dining hall. It was the largest room for passengers there was on the ship. The first thing he noticed when he came in was a gigantic Christmas tree in the middle of the room. He asked a waiter why it was there on December 30th.

“We just haven't gotten around to taking it down yet. We probably will when we reach England.”

Balto then headed for wherever there was food. He was thrilled to see an enormous buffet, stretching from one wall, circling around the tree, then to the other wall. They had a Ponderosa style section, then Chinese, then desserts. Balto attacked the Chinese section first.

Jenna decided to meet some of the people on the Poseidon. After all, it was going to be two weeks, so then, better know somebody. She went to the dining hall for some food, assuming almost every passenger was there. She looked around to try to find a table that didn't have all the chairs occupied. Her eyes fell on a table with only one guy at it, who looked rather queasy.

'Seasick?' she wondered, then noticed four empty plates on his table. 'Ah.' She sat down and introduced herself.

“Jenna Tichenor, and you are...?”

“Balto Mandrell ... urg.”

“Overstuffed yourself did you?”

“I'm sorry, but when they have a fifty-foot long Chinese buffet, you've gotta have at least three plates, not including dessert... urg.”

“So then I take it you've had enough for one evening?”

“What?! Are you mad? I'm just getting started! I haven't even tried everything on the Chinese section, let alone the dessert and stuff!”

At the end of dinner, Jenna almost had to carry Balto to his room.

“Hey, thanks for your... urg ... help. Maybe when you eat seven plates for dinner, I'll help you to your room.”

December 31st, 2006.

Jenna was making marvelous progress in getting to know people. She had already met fifteen people, all of them passengers. Most of them were pleasant, others weren't. Such as Steele Karzon, a big jerk. He was an excessive gambler, who was (unfortunately) very good at it. In the short two days they had been on the cruise, he had gathered $2,500 dollars. He would set up a poker game, rig it, and reap huge rewards. Most of the rest weren't anything like that. She had met a very nice older man named Boris Gooseinoff, a Russian. He was a very friendly and helpful guy. Then she also met three dogs, who were fairly close buddies, Nikki, Kaltag, and Star. When she introduced herself, this is how they responded.

Nikki said “Hi, I'm Nikki. This is Kaltag and Star.”

Kaltag would say “Pleased to meet you.”

And Star would say “You sure are cute! Ha ha ha...” whack! (that is the sound of Kaltag smacking Star across the head)

Nikki would say “Sorry about that.”

Kaltag would say “He's kinda crazy sometimes.”

Star would say “We're all crazy! Ha ha ha ha ha...” whack! (the sound of Star getting hit again)

Kaltag would say “Shut up!”

Star would say “Oh yeah? Well why don't you just...” then Star quickly covered his head. Kaltag proceeded to give him an uppercut. Jenna made a mental note to only go near them when Star was away. She had also realized that morning that two of her closest friends were also on the same boat. Sylvia O'Brien, and Dixie Chic. Dixie, for some reason, had an infatuation with Steele. As soon as she met him, she ran out and bought an eye-catching necklace.

“Do you think Steele will notice?” she asked Jenna and Sylvia in the gift shop.

“I'm afraid the only way Steele will notice anyone is if they're wearing a mirror.” said Jenna.

Sylvia then said “Oh, ignore her Dixie. She's been running around with some passenger named Balto.”

Dixie gasped.

Sylvia continued “I saw them sitting together in the dining hall last night. They spent the whole time talking to each other, doing nothing else.”

“I think you need your eyes checked Sylvia,” said Jenna “True, I tried to talk to him, but he spent the whole time forcing food down his pie-hole.”

Balto had also been meeting some people, but unlike Jenna, he was meeting all the crew members, not passengers. He had met two very odd engineers, named Muk and Luk Hotchkin. They were two brothers, and they spent a large amount of time arguing.

“No you idiot, the five/sixth inch wrench!” shouted Luk.

“That is a five/sixth!” his brother replied.

“No it isn't, it's a four/sixth.”

“So what if it is? They're the same thing!”

“No they aren't, and if you weren't such an idiot you would know that! You're such a pain in the butt.”

“Hey! Don't take that tone with me!”

“Oh, geez, you sound like Mom now... you big fat pain in th' butt.”

“What did I just tell you?!”

“Pain in th' butt! Pain in th' butt!”

He had also met a waitress named Stella Rahssi, a somewhat older goose. She had been on the ship for eighteen years, and knew it well. And, of course, he met the captain. The captain's name was Benjamin Walters, but his crew called him Doc. The second-in-command was a nervous fellow, Mel Drury. Balto spent most of his time with the crew, and almost no time doing activities with the other passengers. To him, time went by slowly when he was with the passengers, but for some reason it flew when he was with the crew. He didn't know why. All he knew was he wanted to get to England as quickly as possible.

December 31st, 8:30

Balto walked into the gigantic dining hall. He didn't come for the New Years celebration. He couldn't have cared less about that. 'Just another year. Woop-dee-doo.' He just came came for the food, as usual. He was disappointed though. They had removed the buffet to make room for all the passengers who would be celebrating.

“Tsk,” he thought “What is this world coming to? Replacing food just so people can throw a party at the start of 2007? Shameful, just shameful.”

11:45

Balto looked over towards the door and saw Jenna enter with two other female dogs. Jenna noticed him and waved. Her and the other two dogs walked over.

“Wow,” said Jenna “Every single chair is taken except for the ones around your table. I wonder why?”

“I don't know. Maybe because all my dirty plates fill up the table, so others don't have room to put theirs down.”

“Oh, that's ridiculous. How many plates have you had anyway?”

“I think this is my eighth one during the last three hours.”

Dixie almost fainted.

“How in the world can you eat so much?” asked Sylvia.

“Simple. You eat one plate, but you put on the right amount so you're still hungry when you're done. You wait for fifteen minutes, let yourself get hungry some more, then get another plate. Repeat eight times. It works wonderfully. I'm still hungry!”

14 minutes , 30 seconds later...

The countdown had begun. In thirty seconds it would be 2007. There was a live band playing music, and a singer dancing and, well, singing. Everyone else was dancing and celebrating, except for Balto. He decided to take a little stroll out on the deck. He looked out at the horizon, looking at all the stars just above the waterline. Then an odd thing happened. He noticed stars gradually vanishing. It took his eyes a few moments to recognize what was happening.

In the control room, the 2nd lieutenant was in charge. The captain was in the dining hall celebrating with the passengers, and Mel was headed for the engines to do a regular maintenance check. The 2nd lieutenant and all the crew felt an odd tremor. They looked out to the Port side to see what was going on. The lieutenant saw it first. There was a massive, hundred foot tall wave approaching the ship. And it continued getting higher.

“Turn the ship! Hard to Port!” he shouted.

He knew that if the wave hit them on the side, it could very well flip the ship over, but if it hit the front they might be able to sail through it.

“Oh no. Too late. Sound the alarm! Brace for impact!”

Balto ran into the dining hall just as the clock was about to strike midnight.

“Every...”

The rest of his words were drowned out by people cheering, shouting 'Happy New Year' and such. The commotion was so loud that no one heard the alarm klaxon sounding. And then, a mere two seconds into 2007, the wave hit.

The room went into a frenzy. As the ship flipped over, everything that wasn't tied down, such as chairs, began sliding