times. He had promised anyway. But every time he came, he brought Rein’s father scent. And Rein hated it so much. It reminded him of unhappy times of his life. Alas, Rein almost missed his father when he smelt the scent. He didn’t know why.
But happy time was almost over. His master began to arrive later and later from his work. And every time he arrived, he was in a really bad mood. And it was worse and worse. Rein supposed his master had serious problems with his work. It was true. The firm the master was working for had financials issues and there was no hope the situation would improve. The master began to drink, not so much at first, but as time went, it was worse and worse. And every time he came home drunk, he was rude. He was shouting at his wife and his kid, blaming them for things they hadn’t ever done.
And one day…
The master slammed the door, throwing his suitcase away. He almost collapsed to the ground. He was drunk and he smelt of alcohol and cigarettes. Clare ran to him, trying to help him.
“Love… what were you doing-“
“Shut up, you b***!” He shouted, pushing her away, “It’s all your fault! And you still ask like you don’t know!” Clare gasped, trying not to hear those words. “You have been trying to ruin my life all the time! Now, you managed it, you w****!” The master’s eyes were red, because of the lack of sleep and because of cigarettes. “Get out of my life, you damned b***!” He raised his hand and slapped her. That was too much for Rein, who had been watching the whole scene. He jumped in front of Clare who was crying, crouched in a corner. And he did the only thing he was convinced was right. Rein bared his fangs and barked sharply. He was ready to bite that monster. That wasn’t his master anymore. The man was taken by surprise. He didn’t expect that so he did the worst thing. His leg burst forward, but Rein was faster. He bite it as hard as he could and soon he saw it was enough. The man screamed and struggled. “Please… stop!” Clare cried when her husband kicked Rein with his second leg. Rein let him go and snarled loudly. “You will see! Both of you!” The master shouted. “This f*** dog will be put down and you… you can be sure a divorce is f*** near!” He shouted again and staggered out of the house heading to the nearest pub. Clare’s cry became louder. She hid her face into her palms, but when she felt Rein’s tongue trying to wipe away the tears streaming down her cheeks, she hugged her loyal dog and cried on his short fur. “Rein… I won’t let him to hurt you,” Clare whispered trying to stop crying.Mike had been in school all the time and she was glad he hadn’t seen what had happened.
But Mike found out soon. The threat about the divorce hadn’t been plain. Rein was still alive, maybe because the master had no courage to hurt him… and he was ashamed, too.
Well, Rein thought so, at least. But he was wrong. Two days after, his master came, smiled and leashed him like nothing had happened before. “We shall go for a trip, Rein, eh?” He laughed and Rein followed him outside. Instead of a usual walk, his master entered the car. Rein jumped inside like many times before, wagging his short tail. Maybe his master wanted to make up and Rein was happy somehow. His father had told him that his master was the most precious thing. Therefore, Rein was willing to cease all hostilities. After a long ride, they stopped in front of a building Rein didn’t know. There was a fence around it and a lot of dog pens. Rein didn’t see the pens but he smelt various scents belonging to other dogs. He hadn’t been there before and if he could have read, he would have been able to read the sign on a white cottage which was directly in front of him: DOG POUND. The Doberman didn’t know what to do but follow his master inside.
There was another human, a female one, in the building. She was quite young, wearing a glasses and her face was framed by long brown hair. She smiled at the master and nodded. “Oh, I expected you later…” she said with a slight reproach in her voice. “I am sorry, I just… I just have to take care of many things concerning moving, so that’s why.” She nodded again.
“I think you made a vise decision. A Doberman isn’t a dog suitable for a flat you are moving in.”
“Yes… and I love him... I don’t want him suffer. And I hope you will be able to find a new master for him.” The master leaned against the backrest of the chair he was sitting on. He laughed inside. Everything was going according to his plan. That was his revenge. He would tell Clare and Mike somebody killed Rein by accident. But there was one thing he didn’t like at all. He would get no money for the dog, but on the other hand, arranging the sale would attract Clare’s attention. So the moving was yet another lie. “His name is Rein… here are his papers. And… please… can I keep his collar?” the master whispered and when the woman nodded, he took Rein’s collar and patted him on his head. “So be good boy, Rein… I will miss you so much…” Rein was confused completely. What was going on? His master was acting like… like he was leaving him… but that couldn’t be true! When the man left the room, he jumped to the door, scratching it and barking mournfully. “Master! Master! I am here! Why did you left me here?! I want to go home! Please! I am… here…Master…”
Rein realized he was betrayed. He felt like somebody had taken his heart and had broken it. He bowed his elegant head and cried in the dog way people didn’t understand. But then, someone called his name. And once again… he turned his head and saw the young woman calling him. She came closer and she let him sniff her hand. Then she stroked him gently whispering his name into his ear. “Rein… I am sure we will find you a new home. I am sure. Just go with me... I will take care of you.” And because Rein couldn’t think up anything better, he followed her slowly.
The master closed the door, collapsed to the armchair and cried. He was faking it, but he got attention of Clare, soon. “What happened?” asked she when she spotted her husband (still) crying. He sobbed: “Clare… Rein… Rein…”
“What happened to him?!” Clare gasped. She loved the dog so much… and its death would have been the last thing she would have needed. “Clare… we were walking down the street… when Rein spotted something across… he jumped into the middle of the road… a truck hit him…” He raised his hand, which was holding Rein’s collar. “That’s everything… what left…” Clare’s eyes were filled with tears. “No… Rein… can’t be…” She gasped and grabbed the collar. “He is, Clare… he is…” Clare took her husband’s hand and whispered: “Please… please… promise me you will stop drinking. Do it for Rein and for Mike if not for me. I… don’t want to lose yet another part of our family…” The man looked at a divorce petition lying on a table. “No… Rein’s death won’t change anything…” he smirked. “Tomorrow, we won’t be married anymore. Sorry. That’s the life.”
Rein didn’t feel anything when the woman was leading him to his new home. All the feelings and all his thoughts exploded in a blinding flash and his head was empty… it was too much. The Doberman didn’t struggle, whine or howl. He just entered the dog pen and his eyes were empty and too weak to express any feelings. He collapsed to the floor and tried to ignore the world, which brought him just the worst things. All he wanted was to stop being. Not to die, for he didn’t know what was after death.
“The bottom, eh?” This simple sentence made him perceive the world again. He turned his head and saw his neighbor. He wasn’t able to tell the breed, but he wasn’t sure he was looking at a dog or a wolf. “What do you mean?”
“Well, basically, you can’t go lower now…so be happy,” the wolf dog smirked and licked its paw. “Shut up…” Rein turned away from the wolf dog whom he began to dislike.
“Come on… I am just trying to help you.”
“Shove it up your a-“
“Hey, hey, hey, no need for such words, oh and by the way, I am Ian.”
“Rein.” Well, Rein didn’t want to tell him his name, but well… it was almost automatic. “So, Rein… why are you here?”
‘Did he have to ask?’ Rein growled, trying not to think about all the things that had happened. “I am here because… I am here.” The wolf dog nodded. “That’s pretty descriptive and surely makes a lot of things clearer.”
“Look, you aren’t helping me-“
“I have never tried to help you.”
“But you said.-“
“I was lying.”
Rein sighed. His
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what my comfort zone enjoys ().
Your story is
well-made, and it flows easily. But the descriptions lack.
What exactly does your doberman look like? What about Ian?
How does he look, other than wolfish? What about the humans?
What did they look like (more accurately), environments,
etc?
The lack of descriptions isn't too much of
a bother though. Although I would have liked to be able to
see the image you have in your head of each character.
Other than that, your story flows beautifully
well, and apart from a few grammatical and spelling errors,
it's awesome.
My rating: 8/10.
(Thank you for purchasing Wolflux's fiction critique
service =P)