pup in a grown wolfs body, Taku is just kissing up to her because his dearest grandpa put faith in her, well guess what, I'm not buying ANY of her, taku's, or Nava's garbage anymore!"

Luna took a step back startled by her friends powerful rant. "whats happened to you? you've gotten darker and meaner ever since we got to this island," lowering her ears she continued "and its starting to scare me." Shade aproached her friend, chest puffed up proudly "good, we're wolves, not teddy bears."

the sun rose signalling that dawn finally came, taku and aleu were already on their way to the pack's cave. both bodies were close as they walked towards their destination. "I hope the others aren't worried too much about us." Aleu yawned. Taku faintly nodded, he knew well that the pack hadn't warmed up to her yet, but they would in do time. just as the brown wolf was about to speak, nuk, yak and sumac arrived in front of them. "OH hey aleuuu, ve've been just on our vay to the lake and ve vern't expecting jou to be all the vay out here." the light brown sumac said. "ja, we could not find you no where."

"thats anywhere." Aleu corrected. Taku turned and looked at the biggest of the three; nuk. "are the rest of the pack scatered around?" nuk shook "beats me, we wen't just looking for you by ourselves. we're hungry." Taku sighed. "Aleu, what do you say? have we've waited long enough?" Aleu nodded "fine, we'll hunt as soon as we can back to the others." the three wolves cheered with joy finally they could eat after what seemed like seasons. Taku chuckled at the sight he was currently seeing. "those three have always been like this. they can't help it if they're clumsy some of the time. they're vocabulary and grammar might be bad but try to go easy on them." Taku whispered in Aleu's ear. "I just hate double negatives." she responded.

as the five progressed the trip seemed to last longer than usual, Taku found himself falling behind the group, still a little tired after the dreams that kept him up all night. "Taku?" Aleu asked from afar. the brown wolf looked up with his eye lids half shut he was about to open  his mouth, until just then suddenly, a black blur lunged at him, catching him more off guard and eventually finding himself rolling on the ground with this new enemy on top of him.

his instincts kicking in, Taku kicked his attacker off of him. "Shade?!" the three wolves said in sync. "Shade? isn't she the one that, oh no!" Aleu leaped to the scene.

"Aleu stay back!" Taku ordered. "she might want to challange you, but she has to get to me first!" the auburn wolf growled at his former friend, now enemy. "why all of the sudden do you deside to attack now shade?" Taku asked. "because I'm tired of waiting, I want the respect I deserve NOW." she lunged at him with full killer intent. "Why can't I help?" Aleu asked gasping as the three wolves held her back. "in these types of duels its a one on one fight to the death, this is how we maintain our ranks." Nuk said. "B-but,"

"It's okay Aleu, I can handle this. don't worry!" Taku said between the rumble. "You said you wanted respect, You do! You're the quickest among us!" shade snarled and sunk her teeth into the beta male's back, who then yelped at the stinging pain. "well I want more! you and your girlfriend are too weak to lead!" Taku snarled at this, and bat his paws across the dark wolf's face. "How dare you! after all we've done for you, treating you with kindness and friendship you-," Taku's speech was interupted by sudden laughter. "Kindess? friendship? in this world these things are just mere things that holds us down, we are wolves, warriors, not hippies, the weak pearish and the strong prevail! Nava was a fool and will continue if his reign continues! we need change and I'm just the wolf for the job!"

Taku's eye's widened, he couldn't believe his ears. was this really the same wolf he knew for years since pup hood? "you've changed a lot Shade," the male said the a serious face. "and you haven't! you weak, little, cub!" she said between slashes and bites. "and after I'm done with you, I'm gonna kill your precious leader nice, and slow." Taku's eyes narrowed, that was it, his anger had reached his peek. that was the straw that broke that cammals back. in rage, he lunged at the black wolf, who yelped and cryed in agony as the male chewed her ear half off, ripped her skin, bit her neck and threw her into near by tree's, logs, rocks anything he could find that could cause any kind of damage.

"You are the fool shade, affection and passion, these are what give me strength, I vowed on my spirit that I'll protect my leaders until I rise up myself, and protect those who look up to me. I won't talerate such dishonorable scorn! I won't kill you, I don't need to. if you want the higher status so badly, then I shall give it to you." Aleu gasped "Taku!" the auburn wolf looked back at his lover with a look that spoke "its ok." she nodded and let the two continue.

"I taku, once beta, now alpha of this clan now declare you beta, second in command. you may rise after you're done licking your wounds. Nuk, come over here and carry her back to the cave to rest. sumac and yak, you two follow, I want to have a talk with Aleu." the three nodded and did as they were ordered. once Taku and Aleu were the only ones in the clearing the auburn wolf spoke up. "Listen Aleu, I'm sorry I worried you but-," his sentence was cut off but a bat by a paw over his head "You idiot I was scared that I was going to lose you!" tears leaked out of her eyes. she pressed her body against his, nuzzling and rubbing against it, letting his white fur soak up and absorb her tears. "shh, I know, please forgive me, but I had no choice, once she attacked me, it was a fight to the death. no one should have interfeared, even those three knew that." Taku tried comforting his love.

Once Aleu was calm, she lowered her ears and continued nuzzling him. "taku, when did yoi-," Taku cut her off mid sentence "Thats what I wanted to get at." the auburn wolf sat down. "Aleu, will you be my mate?"

"I'm sorry Taku but, I...can't" Taku's face lit up in shock, turning into disappointment. "why?" Aleu sighed "I want to prove to myself that I don't need anyone's help anymore, and that I'm quite capable of taking care of myself." Taku lowered his ears and nodded "its not like I don't love you, It just feels like everything is being handed to me in a silver bowl, I want to prove to the clan and myself that I am no longer a baby." she approached Taku nuzzling his cheek. "I love you Taku, thank you for helping me, you changed my life."

Taku returned the nuzzle "I love you too Aleu, you remind me a lot of myself when I was younger, alone and ignorant. I didn't want you to go through that pain." Aleu licked his cheek "you're sweet. Don't worry, as soon as I'm done with all this, I'll come back to you. I promise." Taku smiled "wait, what about shade?" Taku chuckled "She won't be on her feet for a while, so she's currently unfit to be a beta for now. So what next my lady?" he asked waiting for the next command from his alphess. "go and find some caribou, I'll go recruit the others. meet us once you found a herd." Taku nodded, and with that the two went their separate ways.

back in the cave, the three wolves finally reached their destination. Nuk dropped the injured unconscious shade with a loud thud "what happened?!" one of the wolves asked in shock. "she bit off more than she could chew." nuk answered "Taku chewed her up und spitted her out haha."  Summac laughed. "oh shut up you I'm hungry!" Nuk uppercut his chin. Luna huffed as she walked up to the battered wolf. "this is what happens when you get too ahead of yourself."

"hey guys." Aleu trotted up to the clan. "where's taku?" Luna asked. "searching for a herd, we're going on our first hunt on our new schedule." the wolves howled with glee at this exciting news. "finally it felt like eternity!" Nuk said "you already knew we were going hunting." yuk replied. "I know but I could go for a T-bone steak right about now, I know its not nowhere to be found but-," Nuk stopped mid sentence hearing a "ahem" coming from Aleu "anywhere, sorry." Nuk lowered his ears. "good boy. and I'll expect seeing you three in grammar class this afternoon." she smiled. "Yes ma'am." the three said in union.

just then Taku entered the cave. "everyone, I found a heard in the west, they're on the move right now but if we hurry, we can catch up." and so the pack was off.

the hunt was a complete success, the wolves didn't take down too many caribou. three full growns were enough to fill up the clans belly's. Aleu's formation was carefully calculated and executed flawlessly. and if it kept us, the plan would continue until they could tell it to their great great grand kids.

Aleu's next order was to take a group bath in a lake which was close by. "come on in guys, the waters fine!" she tried inviting the clan



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This fanfic was rated PG (Parental guidance suggested).


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November 05, 2015
Usa
You have a really nice story here. :icon60:

February 03, 2014
Usa Male
There's also a bit of a logic gap on page 4. How would wolves know about teddy bears and hippies? I don't think the hippy movement started until about 30 years later. Teddy bears might have been around back then, but would wild animals know, or care, about them? As for T-bones, I don't know if wolves would use terms like that. "Haunch" or "shoulder" would make more sense.

Lastly, the whole thing about being serious vs. having fun doesn't really make sense to just throw in at the last minute. A change that significant should be taken more slowly.

February 03, 2014
Usa Male
As for the romance between Aleu and Taku, my main suggestion would be to mix it up a little. Throw in some times where they don't get along well for stupid reasons (one of my leading ladies once got mad at her guy because she felt he was treating her like an infant when, really, he was just trying to be chivalrous and make sure she was safe). Try reading Brian Jacques' book Redwall and then watching the animated series (season 1); the relationship between Matthias and Cornflower was, in my opinion, much more entertaining in the show because it had more ups and downs.

Aleu had a good hunting strategy on page 2, but the rationale used to defend it on page 3 overlooked the fact that those deer weren't native to the island; they had come en masse from the mainland, and would have created an imbalance. So although the wolves' role in the balance was key, the argument made in favor of limited hunting makes it sound like they were trying not to disrupt omething already in balance. Ecologically speaking, their presence would restore something that was currently out of balance.

February 03, 2014
Usa Male
Well, this is a nice story, but before you work on improving your romance writing I'd suggest you start with readability. Try starting a new paragraph each time the speaker changes, and taking more care with your punctuation and capital letters. For example, instead of

Aleu walked up to her friend "Are you sure this is going to work?" the male wolf nodded "I'm almost certain, after all it sounded like a good plan to me. That was quite a good speech you did there Aleu, I'm impressed. Keep that up and the rest of the clan will accept you in no time." Aleu blushed a bright red under her cheeks "hm, thank you."

Try doing it more like this:

Aleu walked up to her friend "Are you sure this is going to work?"
The male wolf nodded "I'm almost certain, after all it sounded like a good plan to me. That was quite a good speech you did there Aleu, I'm impressed. Keep that up and the rest of the clan will accept you in no time."
Aleu blushed a bright red under her cheeks. "Hm, thank you."

FYI, I used to make the same mistake (back before I joined this site).

May 13, 2013
Female
Wonderful.

Guest
Guest
July 18, 2012
This is Awesome indeed!! Even awesome won't describe how touching this fanfic is!!

March 28, 2012
Usa Male
thanks so much frozen! this is my fave written story so far and im darn proud of it too.

March 21, 2012
Well, interesting story. Although, for me, everything went by too fast. Haha. But again, it's a good one.

August 08, 2011
Usa Male
thanks =)

August 06, 2011
Usa
Terrific!




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