The red brown wolf stuck his nose up in the air, sniffing the fresh scent of the island, he and his pack's new home. The pack had just landed from the other side of the ocean, were a canyons used to be. But since the caribou; their prey they feed on, had crossed the great water due to the ice forming together to make a bridge. However a year later, the same bridge was formed again leaving the wolves to decide wiether to chase the caribou or stay and starve to death. One of the pack rebels, Niju, a big black wolf with bad intentions, didn't want to leave, and chose to stay. The leader Nava, though old, was a kind hearted and wise lupine, and decided that the the journey wasn't his to make, so he too had to stay.

All which added to a problem, the wolves needed a leader. Someone to guide them and serve as the alpha. Luckily 2 outsider wolves came about and were seemingly destined to help them. Nava always predicted the two would come, and when that time came, it was expected that balto was suppose to be their new leader. However, it was later discovered that it was his daughter's; Aleu's destiny to lead.

And so here they were, on new land, fresh grass, tree's, huge mountains and enough caribou to last generations. Taku was rearing to go out hunting some food right away, but at the same time he was also tired from the long trip. He aproaching his alpha she-wolf, she was startled a little bit but held her posture. "Aleu, I think some of us should rest for a bit."

"Why? It wasn't that long a trip." the new leader asked. "Well, some of us here don't have the same amount of stamina as you do. Plus its just as important to rest and save up energy as it is to hunt."

"why are YOU giving me orders? I thought I was leader here." Aleu retorted. Taku chuckled "thats right I forgot, you're new to this sort of thing." Aleu was getting annoyed, she started to show her teeth as warning only to have Taku continue. "lets not lose our temper my lady," Aleu stood back and waited for him to finish. "we wolves have our own ranking system, I am a beta wolf, the second in command, you're the alpha, the leader, and the other wolves are the omega's, they're the scapegoats and are the lasts in line for food."
"I see, sorry. we've been crossing the bridge all night without sleep or rest I guess it has been a rough trip. Why don't we start over, I'm Aleu and you are?" the half breed asked. "Taku." the red wolf nodded. "its nice to meet you taku, what do you suggest we do?"
"I'll round up those who seek rest and try to find shelter, you rally up those who are able to hunt. You know how to hunt don't you?"
"urg, well, sort of…" Aleu trailed off. "what do you mean "sort of?"" Aleu shook her head "I mean sure, I can do it. I'll do my job, you do yours." with that said, the two went their seperate ways.


a few minutes later
After a long rest in a cave near by, Taku decided to go out and check up on the rest and see how they were doing. Speaking of, he found the pack coming in right before him. "How did it go?" the wolves groaned in frustraition as a responce, signaling that they were unsuccessful. Aleu however seemed to look mostly ashamed. Almost as if, "may I ask what happened?" the auburn and white wolf asked aproaching the she-wolf up front. "Aleu here ruined the whole formation. She made too much noise and scared the prey away. What good is a leader if she doesn't even know how to hunt?" one of the wolves cried out. "hold on, I'm sure if," Taku was about to stand up for his new leader but was cut off "No, its all my fault, I'm sorry I let you guy's down, and Taku, I should of told you the truth."

Taku sighed "Ok everyone, move out, you've had enough rest, help the others hunt, Aleu you stay here with me." the pack did as they were ordered and left the cave. "Aleu I will be your hunting teacher from now on, understood?" Aleu nodded, but did not face her new mentor. "hey, don't let one little failure get you down, after all we get knocked down to get back up and learn from our mistakes." the male tried to cheer her up. "its not that, its just, I've chosen to lead this pack and yet I knew that I couldn't even hunt, if I told you the truth then the others wouldn't look down on me…"

"Hey, its ok, we can fix this. And just because I'm your teacher now doesn't mean I'm going to look down on you. You're still alpha, a higher rank than I, and even though your inexperienced I still respect you as a higher ranked wolf. believe me, you're destined for something big Aleu, I believe you really are." Taku finished with a smile. Aleu smirked a little looking up at her new friend. The auburn wolf looked at her beautiful ocean blue eyes, seeing almost as if they were speaking to him 'thank you'. Aleu on the other hand noticed they were dangerously close to touching noses. Aleu backed away and the two blushed a bright red. "er uhm well thanks uhm…right lets get started." Taku coughed a tad. "erm right, the sooner the better. So, have you any experience with hinting before?"

"well, back home me and my friends used to play hide and seek, that was sort of a hunting game." Taku nodded processing every word she said. "Well firstly, hunting is no game. Its survival, and should be treated as a serious matter. it's a task that if you take lightly, you could die of starvation." Aleu gulped. She could tell this was going to be the beginning of a new life for her and it sure wasn't going to be easy. 

"Okay Aleu, just realx your muscles, don't breath too hard, feel the earth under your paws so it doesn't shift and make noise." Taku told his apprentice. Aleu did as she was told and eased herself. After what seemed like minutes she got used to the feeling. "Good, now lets try your combat skills. You know how to fight right? Using your claws and fangs are key to taking down your prey." Taku decided that it was time for some target practice.

"Okay Aleu, you see that baby caribou over there? I want you to catch it and make sure it doesn't get away. I'll look for its mother and distract her." Aleu nodded, leaving Taku to play his part.

Aleu eased herself, feeling the earth under her feet, carefully getting closer and closer to the young caribou. Making sure not to step on any rocks or sticks, checking every two seconds. 'almost there, just a little further' Aleu tried not to get excited. 'keep calm Aleu, you can do this, its just a baby.'

Meanwhile Taku was trying his best to lure the mother far away from its calf as possible. "that's right, come on, Keep coming this way." the auburn wolf kept taunting. 'I hope Aleu is doing fine.' but then suddenly, as if on cue, the mother's head perked up, and looked to its left, as if it sensed something. 'No!' taku jumped ahead and blocked the caribou's path, "Looks like I have to take you down myself." this wasn't going to be easy, as caribou's antler's are pretty dangerous.

Aleu chuckled, grasping her very first catch. "now hold still little guy, it'll all be over quick." she tried to sooth the calf but to no avail. The baby kept squirming and crying hoping its mother would come to its rescue. Aleu quickly dug her teeth in the baby's neck, making it quick and painless. Claiming her prize and picking the corpse up with her mouth, Aleu trotted the other direction so as to keep her food away from its previous owner. 'Taku I hope you're doing ok.'

Meanwhile Taku was having a run for his money. This deer was no push over. Dodging each attack one by one. "tired yet?" he taunted once again, backing up but soon reaching a halt. Turning around to see what stopped him in his tracks, a big bolder stood in his way. 'wait that's it! I hope this works' he readied himself, waiting for the right chance. The deer charged ahead, aiming its antlers towards its predator. 'wait for it, wait for it…' "NOW" dodging at the right moment the caribou was too close and too late to stop from the incoming bolder. Knocking its antlers and damaging them in the process, leaving it wide open for a counter attack. Taku took this chance and lunged at the deer and dug his fangs into its neck. And with that the caribou was laid to rest.

"excellent job Aleu, now next time, you'll be taking on an armed one. Think you can handle a grown caribou so soon?" the master asked his student. "yeah, I think I can." Aleu answered taking another bite of her food. "So tell me Aleu, what was your previous home like?"

"Well, I was born in a litter of part huskies and part wolves, only I was the only one who looked more like a wolf while the others looked like my mother. My father was the wolf and I was forced to live with him since no one would adopt me."

"I see, you must have loved your father didn't you?" Aleu's eyes started to water up. "Yes, I miss my papa, I miss him so much." Aleu's voice almost cracked, knowing that she'll never see her beloved father again. "Hey, I'm sure you'll see him again one day. After all, the ice formed a bridge twice, perhaps it'll form again." Aleu nodded. It made since, who's to say she had to stay here forever? No, this was her home now, her very own home. This is what she always wanted since she was a



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This fanfic was rated PG (Parental guidance suggested).


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November 05, 2015
Usa
You have a really nice story here. :icon60:

February 03, 2014
Usa Male
There's also a bit of a logic gap on page 4. How would wolves know about teddy bears and hippies? I don't think the hippy movement started until about 30 years later. Teddy bears might have been around back then, but would wild animals know, or care, about them? As for T-bones, I don't know if wolves would use terms like that. "Haunch" or "shoulder" would make more sense.

Lastly, the whole thing about being serious vs. having fun doesn't really make sense to just throw in at the last minute. A change that significant should be taken more slowly.

February 03, 2014
Usa Male
As for the romance between Aleu and Taku, my main suggestion would be to mix it up a little. Throw in some times where they don't get along well for stupid reasons (one of my leading ladies once got mad at her guy because she felt he was treating her like an infant when, really, he was just trying to be chivalrous and make sure she was safe). Try reading Brian Jacques' book Redwall and then watching the animated series (season 1); the relationship between Matthias and Cornflower was, in my opinion, much more entertaining in the show because it had more ups and downs.

Aleu had a good hunting strategy on page 2, but the rationale used to defend it on page 3 overlooked the fact that those deer weren't native to the island; they had come en masse from the mainland, and would have created an imbalance. So although the wolves' role in the balance was key, the argument made in favor of limited hunting makes it sound like they were trying not to disrupt omething already in balance. Ecologically speaking, their presence would restore something that was currently out of balance.

February 03, 2014
Usa Male
Well, this is a nice story, but before you work on improving your romance writing I'd suggest you start with readability. Try starting a new paragraph each time the speaker changes, and taking more care with your punctuation and capital letters. For example, instead of

Aleu walked up to her friend "Are you sure this is going to work?" the male wolf nodded "I'm almost certain, after all it sounded like a good plan to me. That was quite a good speech you did there Aleu, I'm impressed. Keep that up and the rest of the clan will accept you in no time." Aleu blushed a bright red under her cheeks "hm, thank you."

Try doing it more like this:

Aleu walked up to her friend "Are you sure this is going to work?"
The male wolf nodded "I'm almost certain, after all it sounded like a good plan to me. That was quite a good speech you did there Aleu, I'm impressed. Keep that up and the rest of the clan will accept you in no time."
Aleu blushed a bright red under her cheeks. "Hm, thank you."

FYI, I used to make the same mistake (back before I joined this site).

May 13, 2013
Female
Wonderful.

Guest
Guest
July 18, 2012
This is Awesome indeed!! Even awesome won't describe how touching this fanfic is!!

March 28, 2012
Usa Male
thanks so much frozen! this is my fave written story so far and im darn proud of it too.

March 21, 2012
Well, interesting story. Although, for me, everything went by too fast. Haha. But again, it's a good one.

August 08, 2011
Usa Male
thanks =)

August 06, 2011
Usa
Terrific!




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