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| January 28, 2011 | ||
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It has potential, but a little more visual detail and breaking up the
paragraphs would make it a lot easier to read and follow. Also, two things to suggest. Toby's brown, not orange, and Luna is usually more talkative in scenes like when Toby told Shadow to stay away from her. Having said that, I'm definitely looking forward to part 2. I can't wit to see what happens to Travis - and who that voice was. |