Kodi opened the door to his three bedroom house, his tie loose and his sleeves rolled up. “Work was horrible!” He said, “A mailbag fell off a cliff, so many letters lost.” Kodi recalled setting down his briefcase. “Makes me shudder,” he flinched at the horrible memory. His wife Dusty ignored him.

 

     “Why is it always about you?” She screamed,” I have needs too. Like today, I broke a nail!” She started to cry. “Why? What did I do to deserve this?” Not paying any attention Kodi sat on the lumpy sofa.

 

    “Uh, Dusty?” Kodi asked.      “What? I don’t have time for this! I’m expecting a call from Star- oh here it is,” She whipped out her pink polka-dot droid, and hummed to the sound of her ringtone, Justin Beiber’s Baby. “What’s up Star? Did you hear about that new movie? I know a wolf that can turns into human! A wereman! I know, and he’s an Eskimo! And the other guy is a vampire wolf? How will she ever choose? I really want to see that movie.”

 

     “Uh, Dusty?”

 

      “WHAT!? Can’t you see I’m on the phone, rude.” She snapped.

 

     “Well it’s just that-“Kodi started to say.

 

     “Excuse me Star, I’m being interrupted.” She said.

 

     “Well Dusty, it just that ever since we got married, it seems we’ve been well-“ Suddenly he got interrupted again.

 

     “Oh that reminds me, I baked you some cookies dear,” she said bringing over an array of questionable looking lumps of brown. She handed him one. “So what do you think, I worked really hard on them, it took me almost a minute,” Dusty explained starting to pout.

 

     “They’re… um… Wonderful,” Kodi said spitting it out when she looked away. He was gagging at the sight of them. “Perfect,” Kodi grumbled clutching his stomach. “Anything, er-else you’ve been up too?” Kodi said staging cheerfulness.

 

     “Oh, I’ve been writing poetry about baking,” She began, “Tis what makes monkey bread bake so slowly, for it is the yeast, and the crust is the sun.”

 

     “Uh, Dusty there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” He fiddled with his thumbs nervously.“Well, it’s just that we have been in a loveless marriage for six years and-“

 

     “Oh no,” Dusty said starting to sob, “Don’t tell me your leaving me for Kirby!?”

 

     “EEEWW! Gross,” Kodi yelled in disgust, “of course not!”

 

     “Okay, then continue,” Dusty sighed in relief.

 

     “Well it’s just that after six years you’ve let yourself go, you know what I mean Dusty? Dusty?” Dusty, not listening, was thinking about something else entirely.

 

     “Oh that reminds me,” Dusty thought aloud, “I bought a new bikini, plus sized.” She dashed out of the room and zoomed in to a bag and snatched her Big Alaska™ swimsuit. Then quickly running into the bathroom to change and then came out. “So what do you think?” She asked snapping her bikini top seductively, which made Kodi throw up a little in the back of his mouth.

 

     “Uh, honey,” Kodi searched for the right words, “Uh, you’ve always wanted me to be honest with you, right?” Suddenly Dusty growled and jumped onto Kodi, then the sofa broke. Kodi squirmed and tried to move away, when the door broke down, and two figures with ski masks and guns stood there.

 

     “No one move!” Figure #1 screamed pointing a gun straight at the awkward couple.

 

     “Wait,” Figure #2 said, “Why are two men cuddling on the sofa?”             “And why is one in a bikini?” The other one asked.

 

     “I’m not a man!” Dusty said defensively, “I’m a beautiful husky! Tell ‘em Kodi!”

 

     “Uh, I’m not with him,” Kodi said pointing to Dusty.

 

 

     “But, Snuggle Bunny,” Dusty pouted, “ we had two pups together, Dodi, and Kusty!”

 

     “EW! Sick!” the robbers said, “Let’s get out of here!” The two figures ran out screaming, and yelling for their mommies.

 

     “How could you!” Dusty shouted.      “AH!” Kodi screamed, “I can’t take it, I’m moving out! You see this is what happens when Balto Source Fanatics write about us together!” He Ran out the door and slammed it shut.

 

     “Fine!” Dusty replied, “I’m calling Ralph maybe he’ll love me!”

 

     A Kodi-Dusty fanatic read, and started to become bored. “Who writes this?” she said, closing Balto Source. “I’m going to FanFiction.net!"

 

The End- I think. . .

 

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