really good looking. But its something about the way he looks at me. His eyes, I feel like… I feel like they are looking at my heart. I’m falling for him already and its only the first date. They stared at each other, gazing into each others eyes, but Brigham remembered what Akira had said about making a move. “I don’t know if you were just playing around like usual when you said not to make a move, but I feel it would be too soon anyway. Is that ok with you?” Akira was taken off guard by his chivalry and remained speechless for a second. And who said chivalry was dead? “That’s perfectly fine with me, and I’m glad you said you brought it up.” Brigham wasn’t done though; he had more he needed to say. “There’s more though.” Akira was a little intrigued but still confused. More? She thought. “What’s up Brig?”
He loved the way she said his name, his heart was filled with joy every time he left her lips. “Well… uhh, the thing is that I really, I really like you….” Yeah, you’re not the only one feeling this way buddy “but, I just…. I just don’t know if I can stay cooped up in the shed all day. Have you ever heard of the great wolf spirit?” Akira thought the name sounded familiar but could not place it. “Well not really, who is it?” “Well it’s a she, her names Aniu and, well, she’s my grandmother.”
Akira did not know what to say. In all honesty what is someone to say when a person makes that statement? Akira must have felt as many people felt when Jesus came around and said, “oh by the way, my dad’s God.” However, instead of mock and torment Brigham, Akira could not shake the feeling that he was telling the truth, but all she could say was, “Ok…what?” Brigham laughed, “Well it’s a long story but it all started with Aniu..” Brigham then proceeded to tell Akira all about how Aniu gave birth to Balto and had to leave him alone on the planet and watch as he went through all he endured. He also explained how Balto had already had kids but wanted more and how Aniu granted his wish. “She watches over me wherever I go.” Akira was astounded; she believed every word and was now even more impressed with Brigham. Wow, his grandmother is Aniu, the Great Wolf Spirit and his father is Balto, the hero of Nome. Brigham is the definition of a catch. “I never would have guessed your family could be traced directly back to Aniu.” Brigham was delighted that she hadn’t laughed at him or mocked him in disbelief. No one has really ever believed that when I tell them. Akira is the definition of a catch. Grandmother, I’ll stay here with her because I feel called to do so and I will trust in your will.
The night began to grow colder and the weather seemed to worsen. They both began to feel that they should return back to the safety of the shed. “Hey Akira, I think it might be time to go back to Anthony’s.” Akira nodded and took one last look at the scenery. Brigham had begun to walk away but turned and saw Akira. He walked over to her and stood at her side so that their bodies touched. She remained fixed on the scenery, but Brigham understood what she was doing. “You don’t have to try to memorize it, we can come back again, and again if you want.” “Thanks… I just love this spot so much, it so magical.” “Yeah I know, and you’ll see it again, but we do have to go, I have a feeling the weathers going to get really bad soon.” Akira laughed, “Is that the part wolf speaking?” Brigham laughed too, “Oh yeah, believe it or not, us wolves have a sixth sense for the weather.” “I’ll believe that when I see it Brig, lets go.”
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| February 26, 2010 | ||
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It's a wonderful story. Didn't notice punctuation errors this time,
but the paragraph arrangement still makes it difficult. Also I noticed
that you used a lot of visual details, whic is good. But in a context
like that the part towards the end of [age tree feels rather flat.
Just some ideas on ow to improve. |